-------“You have everything about you.”-------

Someone I knew once said this to me.

Aku terdiam. Berfikir panjang.  Everything?. No, I don’t. The grass on the other side is always greener kan. Always. Your friends’ posts on FB/Instagram/Twitter even your own posts. People nampak macam bestnya hidup dia/kita.  Ada dua rasa we can pick; nak rasa emo sebab jeles or nak rasa happy sebab genuinely happy pasal that person is happy. Tapi thats it. 

Social media is really a snapshot about your life. A snapshot about a moment of happiness/sadness/anger/ whatever mood you tried to potray in that particular post. It doesn’t tell you more than that. Unless you actually live/stay/travel with that person for many days. Then only you know the conflicts that she/he has within herself/himself, people around her/him, family issues, financial issues, health issues etc.

But this is not the license for you to feel happier or luckier if you are actually better off than that person bila tahu all the problems she/ he has in life. The idea is to reflect within ourselves, setiap orang ada struggle dia sendiri termasuk kita. Paling penting kita bersyukur bila senang, sabar bila susah. Kalau rasa tak sabar dah, ambil sabar yang baru letak atas kesabaran yang lama supaya kita lebih banyak sabar lagi. 

I still remember one of the scholars said, 

“Kedengkian hanya akan memakan amal kebaikan kita.”

So better not. Kalau ada rasa jealous, lepaskan perasaan itu. Lepaskan, its not good for ourselves. Meh sama sama rasa happy. Kalau kita nak post something dengan niat nak jeleskan orang lain, then dont post it. Niat dah salah awal.Paling penting niat kita.

Moga yang menulis dan yang membaca ini sama-sama amalkan. insyaAllah J

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“

Psychiatry.

Psychiatry.

Alhamdulillah! I am reaching towards the end of my Psychiatry placement. Already? Yes! Already! Alhamdulillah, tak percaya rasanya. There are sooooo many things I have learned from this rotation!

1.      Childhood is the best indicator for adulthood

 Most of my patients yang paling susah nak deal with are personality disorder patients. Bila sentuh pasal zaman kanak-kanak, Sexual/physical/emotional abuse are part of it.Diperkosa (wah my malay is still so good :p) oleh ayah/uncle/abang.

Therefore, I could really appreciate, how important it is institusi kekeluargaan dalam membentuk keperibadian anak anak from kecik. Bak kata pepatah, melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya. Mak ayah perangai elok, insyaAllah anak-anak. I have seen my patients. Wondered how their parents are. Majority, mak ayah pun are going through the same things as them. Very complicated to deal with. Tapi this is not a generalisation. Sometimes, mak ayah perangai elok tapi Allah bagi ujian. :D

So I advise to myself and to u too! Everything(Akhlak, Ilmu ) start from ourselves. From us, turun dekat anak anak turun dekat cucu turun dekat cicit. InsyaAllah. 

2.      Sometimes I just get tired of them.

\\

One time, my patient cut herself dengan serpihan kaca. I went to attend the patient. Examined the laceration. It was realy painful, bleeding. Menggelatar patient tu sebab sakit.. Advised for sterile strip and just glue the wound together. Then, pesanlah jangan buat lagi please.

Guess what ? Dia buat lagi. Even korek dia punya wound using a plastic spoon. I was called again for 2-3 times to see her. Time tu rasa nak cubit and say,

“Hey! Kan harituh sakit, kenapa buat lagi? Kalau buat lagi, xnak tengok dah“

But then, I reflected. Can you imagine? How Forgiving Allah is.  I did something silly. I repented. Buat dosa, I felt so bad, I made my heart sick, then I came back to Him. I was about to do something silly again, know the consequences. Buat lagi. Minta ampun balik kat Allah. Again and again and again. MashaAllah He never get tired of us.

 3.   Treating symptoms only will never help people to cure.

Oh okay. She is depressed. Give antidepressants. Oh she is maniac, stop antidepressants, give mood stabiliser. Oh she is so agitated, give lorazepam/haloperidol. Then we have ward review, we tried to sort everything out from financial (benefits), employment until housing issues. Giving whatever support we could possibly give. We were trying our best to minimise any risks leading relapse upon their discharge.

Then again. Re-admission. Due to overdose. One of my patients cut her tummy with knife. It was really deep and she inserted CD into the wound (What?!?)

Sometimes, we don’t feel right. we feel serabut. We feel so low. We went out to have fun. Came back, feeling more depressed. Listened to music. Watched movies. No, this does not feel right, thinking we had fun but it didnt last long. Ini semua symptomatic relief. Then we know what we need. We need Him. Only Him. We need to speak to Him more. We need to listen to things that will make ourselves closer to Him. Also we need my parents and the right person for advice. List the things that we are worried about, and buat satu satu, seek help from Him, insyaAllah Allah permudahkan. :D

Kawan bukan Islam said that her hati tenang sangat bila kat mosque. MashaAllah its amzaing right? :)

4.       Dealing with people that will challenge your patience.

Nurse: Doctor, patient ini saya rasa ade urinary tract infection. boleh tak awak jumpa dia?

Me : Hurm, kenapa awak cakap macam itu?

Nurse: Saya rasalah. Saya rasa lebih baek awak pergi jumpa.

Me:  Awak dah buat urine dipstick test tak?

Nurse: Belum.

Me: Kalau dah buat baru panggil saya.

Time ini rasa macam. Come on Nurse. Benda ini common sense. Jangan nak pass tanggungjawab je keje. Haha. Rasa nak marah. Then I started to reflect. Being kind to those who are kind to you is ordinary. To be kind towards those who are mean to you is awesome. And our Prophet Muhammad SAW is such a good example kan. So, Najah, please have a good manner and patience please!!!!

5.      The majority thinks that religion is no longer a priority.

One my patient came to me. Really close to me. It was quite intimidating.

Patient: I like your attire. Why are u wearing a headscarf.

Me: Because I am a Muslim.

Patient: Ohhh, you are! I didn’t know this.

One of my nursing staffs said tak ke rasa pakai tudung ini macam rimas. Tak ke leceh nak buat kerja. Then I said no. My friend cakap, cabutlahhhh tudung, saya rasa awak sepatutnya cabut tudung! Awak mesti nampak lagi cantik x pakai tudung. I looked at her and I said, “What do you mean? InsyaAllah, no, never.”

My  friend (lelaki) nak ‘sep’ tangan and I was like. I said this inside my heart. {No. I couldn’t do this. Sebab I know I will feel so bad if I sep his hand.} While laughing I said, “Sorry, I don’t do this.” And guess what? He doesn’t mind at all. One my friend knew about this and he said “Seplah tangan aku Najah, kau duduk kat Negara ni mana boleh tak sep tangan. Beberapa saat je sentuh.” Then I still said no. He took his hand away.

People will challenge you on your faith. Tak kisah lah staff nurse, patients, kengkawan kerja. You just have to protect it for the sake of Allah. Never allow them to ridicule your stance, belief that you have held after these years. 

Please make dua for me, it is still a long way to go.I desperately need your dua to be steadfast in increasing my eeman and taqwa. Sesama doakan tau please amen! :D\

antara ada and tak ada.

Assalam. Well it has been awhile (again selalu type this as intro). Dulu rajin update blog, sekarang I feel like I wanted to write something, then lama-lama lupekan je terus. Anyway, alhamdulillah, I am working young lady now. Gila tak percaya. (Please doakan my visa application goes well. ameen). 5 years ago, started medicine in London. Straight from boarding school, college and uni life. Nak tahu satu benda? Living in boarding school made me a bit skema with some things. Dulu masa uni mula-mula, tak reti nak spend masa tengok movies sangat. I felt guilty whenever I was not studying. Lama-lama kinda cope bit by bit. Ada masa kena lepak, tak boleh study je. Its not realistic at all. Life is not about studying jekan. There is more to it. So, I started travelling, do things that I love, kemas and decorate bilik. Well, I really enjoy decorating my room sebab my room is where I sleep and rest. So kena cantik. Kalau tak cantik nanti x happy duk rumah, nak pulak memang jenis x merayau sangat unless ada tujuan.

 

My colleagues and I. Dinner together.

And sekarang routine slightly the same as before. I mean like duduk seorang, tapi I am working. Pergi kerja, balik kerja. Rumah is like my comfort and safe zone. Life is a bit different kot. Now tempat kerja, jumpa macam macam orang, patients, nursing staffs, doctors. Bila lunch, my colleagues akan ajak lepak sekali, then I ll be like, "yeap , lets go!". But satu I was really concerned about. My break is only half an hour. How could I possibly fit lunch and solat in half an hour? Well, nak juga socializing, tapi sebagai hamba Allah, definitely, we need Him. But you cant always say no to peoplekan. Like no lunch together, coz I need to pray. Islam is about hablu min Allah and hablu minan nas. Jaga hubungan dengan Allah, jaga hubungan dengan manusia. So, its between these two. Kalau tak mingle lagilah, how can I spread the words of Islam through my actions and characterkan. So I said to myself. Go to lunch,but excuse myself quite half thru it sebab nak solat bila masuk waktu. Fair enoughkan? Bila hak Allah ditunaikan, He will make everything easy for me.Najah, ingat nak seribu daya taknak seribu dalih.

My mum said to me. Stay firm with your principles. My principles about life.You are a working adult now. Some people might be thinking, dah kerja boleh buat apa suka.  Well, if I sit down and think, to be honest yes. I can just do whatever. I got my degree. I can have fun with my new friends. Go shopping as much as I want. Wear branded stuffs. Orang ajak lepak dekat bar ke apa. Socializing. Tengok cinema semua. I can do them all. I am a doctor, I work hard so I deserve to have fun. Tak ada siapa tahu and tak ada siapa boleh marah, since its my life, not theirs. I have no commitment. But well, well well. Hold a sec Najah. Then, I asked myself is this what I truly want in my life?Just hearing them pun dah rasa like a fantastic and an amazing life to look forward too. Tapi....at the end of the day, we will feel empty inside. I have no doubt about this Beza dia macam ini tau, dulu masa medic school, its different sebab kita asyik beringat oh kena dapatkan degree, so jangan buat entah apa-apa. Now dah habis degree, boleh buat suka hati apa. 

I think what really defines someone is, how she is when she already has everything. Macam contoh, "Oh I tak suka barang branded, tak suka travelling, tak suka benda mahal-mahal. I orang nya simple je, suka jimat." Yes itu boleh jadi 2 situasi. First, kalau memang dia suka jimat or it can be secondly, keadaan kewangan dia tak mengizinkan dia buat macam itu or in other words, dia tak mampu. So if dia memang banyak duit tapi memang jenis belanja jimat, she is an amazing woman. Tapi kalau dia cakap sebab keadaan kewangan dia x benarkan dia, maybe she needs to think twice sebelum keluarkan statement macam tu. Gitu. Manusia akan diuji dengan kesusahan and kesenangan. Kesusahan dah memang tentu susah, sebab biasanya menarik kita kepada pergantungan kepada Allah. Tapi kesenangan tu yang sebenarnya lagi dua kali susah, sebab orang yang senang itu tak rasa dia susah. Kita ada high tendency nak rasa leka, rasa semua senang. Kesenangan boleh jadi kita nak jadi insan bersyukur, lagi dekat padaNya or sebaliknya (Nauzubillah).

I heard from one Syeikh, do not set your do's and dont's in life based on your principles(I used to think  no matter what people say,  I have a set of life principles). He said that both muslim and non muslim might have a set of principles of life but what really differentiates between a muslim and a non muslim is a muslim do things in life out of love to Allah, not because of her/his principle in life. Every single thing we do as a muslim is actually our declaration of love to Allah. Semua Allah suruh benda baik. Tak ada benda jahat. Do whatever we have to do out of love to Allah, bukan sebab orang suruh atau kita suruh. Buat kerana Allah, then our heart will be at ease sama ada kita ada atau kita tak ada, sama ada kita senang atau susah coz at the end of the day, everything is about between you and Allah. May Allah give strength to myself and all of us to declare our love to Him every single thing we do from the moment of waking up from sleep until we are going to sleep, and even while we are asleep too, so He would not let us go astray from the right path. Ameen.

Being Impulsive!

insyaAllah I am going to travel (again?)  tomorrow early morning to see my beloved high school best friend. I am so impulsive. I was thinking about it yesterday, bought the ticket just now, and leaving (insyaAllah) tomorrow. Please doakan semua okay ye and moga Allah permudahkann! Ameen ya rabb. :DD

Allah will provide.

Assalam hi semua!

Apa kabar? Alhamdulillah saya sihat! and I am here at Peterborough, all by myself for shadowing week insyaAllah as a future foundation year one doctor very soon (Tak percaya!). So nak dijadikan ceritakan I was really bored hari sabtu coz I didnt turn up to the hospital for one day and a half before. 

Saturday. 15 June 2014. 

I need to get some groceries dekat ASDA. ASDA itu ala ala Tesco, tapi lagi murahlah. Ingat nak naik bus sebab malas jalan kaki and taktahu jalan. Ada je GPS tapi battery iphone ni cepat mati so better naik bus. Tengah2 jalan sekali nampak one Pakistani lady dengan budak budak, tengah tolak pushchair baru lepas keluar from restaurant. 

So, tanya dia, 

Me  :               "Mana bus stop nak pergi ASDA? Saya baru seminggu duk sini so blur teramat."

Dia  :               "Laa awat nak nek bus, jalan kaki jee. Jom jalan sekali, saya nak pergi area sana."

So berjalanlah kami bersama sama, meriah rasanya sebab budak2 tuh asik main je, lari sini sana. Biasalah budak budak. Dalam borak borak tu, dia ajak datang Mehfil-e-Zikr. Macam majlis dzikir-dzikir selawat dekat rumah mak dia esok harinya (hari ini; Ahad). So, from nak pergi ASDA tadi, pergi fun fair. Seronok gaklah. Sempat naik satu game. ya Allah sebenarnye memang dahsyat gak ah bila fikir game itu macam mana. Memang pusing, 360 degree. Tak cukup benda itu pusing, kerusi kita duduk pun pusing sekali. So bila dah habis game macam pening kepala,ambil keputusan balik, on the way balik pergi ASDA.

PICS

Meet Nabila, Aisya and Ismail!

So many swans!

Gaya mak mak dah haha

Meet Nabila and Hamzah!

 Nampak benda paling tinggi itu? Itu yang orang naik. Benda itu berayun and pusing 360 darjah. Seats dia pusing 360 darjah  gak!.

Sunday. 16 June 2014.

Okay then hari ini. Alhamdulillah pergilah majlis itu. Ya Allah, segan mak aiii. Semua perempuan tapi semuanya mostly dah berumur and tak pandai cakap English. Haha. Aku seorang Malaysian tak ada bangsa lain kecuali Pakistani. Aku banyak sengih je (sorry bajet comel) sebab tak tahu nak cakap apa. Dengar dia orang cakap tapi obviously tak paham dia orang cakap Urdu. But aku sedar satu benda lah, sedar betapa indahnya Islam. Tak kisahlah aku faham bahasa dia orang ke tak tapi end of the day kalau buat majlis dzikir selawat ke apa masing masing use the same language. Arab. Masing2 menyembah Tuhan dan Rasul yang sama, Allah dan Muhammad. Lepas dah habis, makan makan sikit. Roti, kuah and curry. Makcik makcik situ semua impressed and excited bila aku sebut dal sebab tak sangka aku tahu. (Orang Melayu makan kuah dal kot).

Lessons learned.

I didnt go out much, keluar pun pergi hospital and hari itu explore town centre. I said to my mum, this is a very new place, I know no one here. Orang tak berani merayau sangat and if keluar pun untuk beli groceries, and macam seorang seorang, x best sangat. 

Guess what? Little that we knew, mashaAllah Allah let me met this lady. Bukan setakat this lady je,  through her I met her mum, children, sisters and her friends too! Tak sangka langsung! Itulah, Allah nak tunjukkan kekuasaanNya. Kadang benda kita dah memang dah tahu Allah Maha Pemberi apa semua tapi Allah bagi kita suatu jalan cerita yang kadang macam tak sangka eh Allah letak suprise rupanya. Suprise ini bukan saja saja tapi untuk upgrade keyakinan kita yang plateu phase lama sangat, as a reminder that He will provide no matter what. No matter how impossible it seems.He knows what we dont know.

Love, 

Najah

25th birthday!

Alhamdulillah ya rabb! Happy birthday to me!

Ya Allah tak percaya dah 25 tahun ini. Every year kalau birthday mesti tulis something dekat blog. Tahun ini alhamdulillah celebrate dekat rumah! Rumah in Malaysiaa! :) not dalam bilik seorang seorang and just waiting the time to pass by.

Alhamdulillah feels so good to receive soo many warm wishes and suprisingly tahun ini banyak dapat personal wishes from my friends. Banyak through whatsapp, fb and phone texts. And also banyak through fb posts specifically dedicated for me! Rasa special gituu. Alhamdulillah soo lucky to have them <3 .="" nbsp="" p="">

And I celebrated my birthday with my family twice today.Lunch makan dekat restoran Chinese Muslim and dinner makan dekat Nando's. Sekarang macam tak reti nak blog dah rasa. Sebab jammed taktahu nak tulis apa ni. Well sebenarnyaaaa tengah fikir macam macam sikit dalam kepala ini. Right now hidup dekat Malaysia macam fantasy. But very soon I ll be back to London which is exciting but. Entah.

It ll be so hard to leave my family behind. Nak pulak dah ada Adam ini. And soooo many things need to be done once I am back there. Skang kalau terfikir pun still I dont wanna think about it. One of my weaknesses is I am quite expressive. So if bila happy u can really see me being happy. When I am thinking a lot, I still can smile, laugh and pretend as if there was nothing happen but its just I dont talk and smile as much as I normally do. Awak pun macam tuh? Ehhh samalah kita! Sep sket :p.

Anywayy, plss keeep me in ur dua! May Allah gives us strength to deal with whatever will come in the future! Whatever Allah want to happen will happen no matter what, no matter how worried someone can be! Yeayy Dah habis belajar ni, bukan setakat dapat lesen degree but dapat lesen untuk mendirikan masjid gak! Gituuuu :p

Okay need to go now. Take care! Moga bertambah iman dari hari ke hari. Ameen ya rabb! 

Boston-New York-Washington-London-KL

Assalam! 

Alhamdulillah.. I am a doctor now. Alhamdulillah, my brother managed to get straight A's in his SPM. And this at very hour, I am currently in Washington, waiting for my flight going back to London after being in States for almost 16 days. :D Then, insyaAllah catching a flight back to Malaysia on the next day. Yeay!

My heart flutters so much thinking about insyaAllah for my very first meeting with my very 1st nephew, Baby Adam! Yeayyy! I look at his photos most of the days. And now he is 5 month- old.Haha ketagih sangat dah najah ni.

I ll be back insyaAllah very soon to talk about my travelling experience in States,Turkey and Jordan this year.See you insyaAllah very soon. Please make dua I arrive from Washington-Detroit-London Malaysia safely, ameeen. 

:D 

The beauty of Al-Quran.

Luqman: verse 15.

"وصا حبهما في الد نيا معروفا "

With direct translation, this ayah does not only mean to just be good to parents in this world. But the real meaning of this arabic verse is to be concerned constantly on what they need in their life and to provide the needs even before they ask. MashaAllah. Allah is the greatest. So specific and detail. This is one the beauty of Al quran in arabic language.

Integrity

Integriti adalah bagaimana kita mampu melayan seseorang walaupun dia tidak mempunyai sebarang kepentingan kepada diri kita.

Final exam

26th January 2014: 50 days before my final exam of medical school.

MashaAllah. Time flies too fast. The sentence I always repeat to myself or any people who I met after I havent seen them for quite some time.

I had a very intense weekend, 2 days of Dr Clarke's Medicine and Surgery Course. This weekend is the most productive weekend ever in my medical school, academically.Magic. Haha.

Tomorrow is my GP intro day. For another 6 weeks. Then study break. Then exam. Then Spring Break Holiday. Then Elective. Then insyaAllah, graduation day.

Please make dua I ll be more focus in my studies. The nearer the exam is, the tempation to do other things other than studying is getting higher too! 

Tak boleh camne Najah. Dah Najah. Okay, I need to go. Take care. Wassalam.