Sunday, August 24, 2014

antara ada and tak ada.

Assalam. Well it has been awhile (again selalu type this as intro). Dulu rajin update blog, sekarang I feel like I wanted to write something, then lama-lama lupekan je terus. Anyway, alhamdulillah, I am working young lady now. Gila tak percaya. (Please doakan my visa application goes well. ameen). 5 years ago, started medicine in London. Straight from boarding school, college and uni life. Nak tahu satu benda? Living in boarding school made me a bit skema with some things. Dulu masa uni mula-mula, tak reti nak spend masa tengok movies sangat. I felt guilty whenever I was not studying. Lama-lama kinda cope bit by bit. Ada masa kena lepak, tak boleh study je. Its not realistic at all. Life is not about studying jekan. There is more to it. So, I started travelling, do things that I love, kemas and decorate bilik. Well, I really enjoy decorating my room sebab my room is where I sleep and rest. So kena cantik. Kalau tak cantik nanti x happy duk rumah, nak pulak memang jenis x merayau sangat unless ada tujuan.

My colleagues and I. Dinner together.

And sekarang routine slightly the same as before. I mean like duduk seorang, tapi I am working. Pergi kerja, balik kerja. Rumah is like my comfort and safe zone. Life is a bit different kot. Now tempat kerja, jumpa macam macam orang, patients, nursing staffs, doctors. Bila lunch, my colleagues akan ajak lepak sekali, then I ll be like, "yeap , lets go!". But satu I was really concerned about. My break is only half an hour. How could I possibly fit lunch and solat in half an hour? Well, nak juga socializing, tapi sebagai hamba Allah, definitely, we need Him. But you cant always say no to peoplekan. Like no lunch together, coz I need to pray. Islam is about hablu min Allah and hablu minan nas. Jaga hubungan dengan Allah, jaga hubungan dengan manusia. So, its between these two. Kalau tak mingle lagilah, how can I spread the words of Islam through my actions and characterkan. So I said to myself. Go to lunch,but excuse myself quite half thru it sebab nak solat bila masuk waktu. Fair enoughkan? Bila hak Allah ditunaikan, He will make everything easy for me.Najah, ingat nak seribu daya taknak seribu dalih.

My mum said to me. Stay firm with your principles. My principles about life.You are a working adult now. Some people might be thinking, dah kerja boleh buat apa suka.  Well, if I sit down and think, to be honest yes. I can just do whatever. I got my degree. I can have fun with my new friends. Go shopping as much as I want. Wear branded stuffs. Orang ajak lepak dekat bar ke apa. Socializing. Tengok cinema semua. I can do them all. I am a doctor, I work hard so I deserve to have fun. Tak ada siapa tahu and tak ada siapa boleh marah, since its my life, not theirs. I have no commitment. But well, well well. Hold a sec Najah. Then, I asked myself is this what I truly want in my life?Just hearing them pun dah rasa like a fantastic and an amazing life to look forward too. the end of the day, we will feel empty inside. I have no doubt about this Beza dia macam ini tau, dulu masa medic school, its different sebab kita asyik beringat oh kena dapatkan degree, so jangan buat entah apa-apa. Now dah habis degree, boleh buat suka hati apa. 

I think what really defines someone is, how she is when she already has everything. Macam contoh, "Oh I tak suka barang branded, tak suka travelling, tak suka benda mahal-mahal. I orang nya simple je, suka jimat." Yes itu boleh jadi 2 situasi. First, kalau memang dia suka jimat or it can be secondly, keadaan kewangan dia tak mengizinkan dia buat macam itu or in other words, dia tak mampu. So if dia memang banyak duit tapi memang jenis belanja jimat, she is an amazing woman. Tapi kalau dia cakap sebab keadaan kewangan dia x benarkan dia, maybe she needs to think twice sebelum keluarkan statement macam tu. Gitu. Manusia akan diuji dengan kesusahan and kesenangan. Kesusahan dah memang tentu susah, sebab biasanya menarik kita kepada pergantungan kepada Allah. Tapi kesenangan tu yang sebenarnya lagi dua kali susah, sebab orang yang senang itu tak rasa dia susah. Kita ada high tendency nak rasa leka, rasa semua senang. Kesenangan boleh jadi kita nak jadi insan bersyukur, lagi dekat padaNya or sebaliknya (Nauzubillah).

I heard from one Syeikh, do not set your do's and dont's in life based on your principles(I used to think  no matter what people say,  I have a set of life principles). He said that both muslim and non muslim might have a set of principles of life but what really differentiates between a muslim and a non muslim is a muslim do things in life out of love to Allah, not because of her/his principle in life. Every single thing we do as a muslim is actually our declaration of love to Allah. Semua Allah suruh benda baik. Tak ada benda jahat. Do whatever we have to do out of love to Allah, bukan sebab orang suruh atau kita suruh. Buat kerana Allah, then our heart will be at ease sama ada kita ada atau kita tak ada, sama ada kita senang atau susah coz at the end of the day, everything is about between you and Allah. May Allah give strength to myself and all of us to declare our love to Him every single thing we do from the moment of waking up from sleep until we are going to sleep, and even while we are asleep too, so He would not let us go astray from the right path. Ameen.