Gulp

  الحمد لله  بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

 * Referring to the slide above.

"So, I would say an Asian Muslim woman with this kind of situation* will not be accepted by the mosque, where else a converted White British woman in the same situation will be accepted by the mosque. I just wonder why, maybe because it has to do with race or something?"

Sebaik sahaja lecturer habis keluarkan kata-kata macam itu. Hati aku memberontak. Rasa tak puas hati. Sudahnya, aku kurang memberikan tumpuan the rest of her words sebab terasa aku bertanggungjawab untuk mengatakan sesuatu. Aku faham point dia. Point dia adalah kenapa masjid nak pula terima orang mat saleh. Asian woman tak nak terima pula. Seolah olah dia memberikan gambaran nak cakap agama Islam ini bias. 

Beberapa minit selepas aku bermonolog dalaman,lecturer buat eye contact dengan aku.

"Maybe, you want to comment on that?"

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Oh, great. Of all the days. Of all the days. Of all the days. This is the day yang aku nak duduk depan sekali. Menghadap lecturer. And persoalan ini ditimbulkan.Kun Fayakun.

And being the only Muslim girl who is wearing a hijab there. The spotlight was obviously on me.

Gulp.

"Oh well. I think this particular situation is totally acceptable in Islam.This problem has to do with the culture I would say. Sometimes, a mosque can be dominated by a certain culture of people which gossiping and talking about someone behind her back is common. A woman in this situation can be easily stigmatised by the certain group of people. But the main thing, the situation mentioned in the slide is acceptable in Islam."

Haha. Aku cakap tak adalah smooth macam aku type. Tapi lebih kuranglah bunyi and maksud dia macam itu. Tapi terasa penerangan aku tak cukup mantap and tak concise. Aku rasa antara sebab sebab dia yang menyumbang:

1. Language barrier

2. Kena put on the spotlight abruptly.

3. Kejahilan aku.

4. Emosi bercampur baur. Rasa marah and emo kot.

5. And the list can go on and on....

Right after aku habis cakap,  for 5 minutes after that aku tak dapat focus on lecture. Aku terfikir-fikir jawapan yang aku bagi. Did I say the right thing? Allah okay tak dengan jawapan aku? Orang lain faham ke? Cara aku cakap hanya berdasarkan emosi ke?  Did I offend anyone? Tapi aku dah sehabis baik untuk berkata-kata tidak berdasarkan rasa marah. What was the best answer that I should give?

Siap conteng ini lagi dalam nota sebab serius tak boleh fokus.

Then lepas itu, aku fikir fikir balik. Teringat dalam segmen Mukmin Professional, Ustaz Pahrol selalu cakap. Kadang-kadang bila dia dengar siaran ulangan segmennya di radio, mesti dia rasa he could have given a much better answer and advices to the callers. But dia kata semua benda berlaku atas izin Allah kan. Oleh itu, Ustaz Pahrol pesan kalau berbuat apa-apa, janganlah kita bergantung sepenuhnya ke atas keupayaan dan kemampuan diri kita sendiri tapi sandarkan lah pergantungan kepada Allah. Sebab kalau bergantung pada diri kita, kita akan jadi tertekan, stress and mula menyalahkan diri sendiri if things went wrong.

Lepas teringat pesanan Ustaz Pahrol, aku macam mula melepaskan rasa "I could have given a better answer." Kawan muslim aku yang ada dalam lecture cakap, dia faham aku cakap apa and dia kata if she was the one yang kena jawap, dia rasa dia tak sure if dia dapat control perasaan emo dia and she might end up offending other people feelings. That comment actually put me at ease a bit.

Alhamdulillah, tak apalah ya Allah. No matter what happened as long as I am trying my best, insyaAllah everything will be fine. Pengajarannya adalah.

1. Dont stop learning. Belajar lebih banyak lagi pasal Islam kerana Allah. Especially in English.

2. Rasulullah SAW lagilah.Agama Islam and as pesuruh Allah, baginda lagi kena kritik macam macam, Tapi baginda tenang dalam menghadapinya. So, kita kene belajar untuk tenang, and bijak keluarkan hujah dengan melengkapkan diri dengan ilmu pengetahuan.insyaAllah.

3. Jangan sandar pada diri sendiri or even jangan sandarkan pada kenangan. :p Okay kelakar sikit. Tapi sandarkan everything kepada Allah. Yakin.

Okay, dah. Itu saja nak conteng. Take care semua and may Allah protect us with His blessings. Wassalam.

The reason behind my caption

Bismillah and alhamdulillahirabbilalameen.

Assalamualaikum!

I hope who is reading this is in the best of iman and health.  Alhamdulillah, I am done with exam. It was on Rheumatology, Orthopaedics, HIV, Sexual Health, Health Care of Elderly and also Dermatology. This time around, turning up to hospital macam lepak-lepak but not with the content. Banyak nak kena study before exam.

Now I am gonna tell you a story. Story ini macam kentang sikitlah. But bear with me, okay? 

I was so happy when my cousins were coming to London. So, I went to the airport untuk sambut diaorang since they are going to Kent straight away after arriving at Heathrow. So, being an excited and kecoh girl, saja konon nak pergi airport nak say hi and nak excited-excited bagai because we're breathing and standing at the same land gituu.They arrived at 0720.

So, I went out at 0645 and bajet sampai around 0800. But unexpected thing happened. I was supposed to change tube at Acton Town, pergi towards Heathrow but instead I stayed in the tube sampailah terlajak two stations away which is at North Ealing. Then, catch a tube back to Acton Town, and naik tube balik tergesa gesa. Know what? I just realised I actually got into the same tube again going towards the tube station I went before, North Ealing. Time itu rasa macam ya Allah. What is happening to me?

        Patut naik tube pergi Heathrow tapi terlajak pergi North Ealing dua kali. Tak faham sikit.

Then I got a text from my cousin, saying that she was already waiting for their bus going to Kent. I was still the train and the time was at 0805. Still need half an hour before I reached Heathrow. Then I said to her, lets pray, lets make dua that I could make it. Then again, she texted, saying driver bus dah sampai. Then, I was like? Seriously? Lepas itu, my phone tak ada line sebab underground, so I could not reply her text.

So, then dalam tube, I was reflecting myself, okay, ini takdir Allah. Whether I get to see her or not, itu takdir.  Takdir ketentuan Allah. I tried my best woke up early, went out early and I could have make it in time if I tak terlanjur ke North Ealing. Yang kelakar a bit tuh cause I actually a bit more conscious when I am travelling alone, so macam pelik macam mana boleh terlajak at the same station for twice? Memang kentang habis.

Tahu tak perasaan dia yang macam kita tak nak sangat benda itu berlaku tapi berlaku? Memang tak nak sangat, tapi kena. Ha time inilah Allah nak menjadikan kita orang yang lebih baik. Memang susah nak terima. Even nampak macam remeh saja, bukan berkaitan hidup dan mati, pasal nak dapat kerja ke apa, tapi dengan benda remeh macam inilah menguji kesabaran, keredhaan dan keyakinan kepada Allah.

So,back in the tube, now I have two options. To get mad to myself because of my clumsiness or to just stay calm, make lots of doa, selawat banyak banyak. The results are either  my cousins are still there or they are gone to Kent already. Kalau they are still there, alhamdulillah I am very happy, if not I ll just take a picture of myself dekat Heathrow and make a caption, I was here but tak ada rezeki untuk jumpa Kak Ina.

As soon as I stepped out from the tube, I ran like no one else's business, like awak jangan kisah airport ini ayah saya yang punya.:P And know what? My cousins are still there though I arrived 15 minutes after I got her last text. Rupanya, pakcik driver nak rest for 40 minutes. Yeay. Alhamdulillah, I was soooo happy.  Rasa nak sujud syukur terus sebab terlalu happy. 

So inilah cerita dia behind the caption of my picture. 

Lesson learned untuk mengingatkan diri yang lalai ini:

a) Bersangka baik kepada Allah, urusan yang baik PASTI dipermudahkan.

b) Redha selalu berkaitan benda benda besar like exam tapi let us practice with small small little things first.Macam contoh salah naik tube ini. 

c) Doa dalam apa apa keadaan pun boleh, bukan lepas solat saja because Allah is always with us.

d) Also, reflect on what I have done, maybe this is one of my kafarah dosa.

Okaylah, esok I got class. Kena tidur awal. Selamat malm semua. Take care. Wassalam :)