It's almost 5 year-old now.

Bismillah, alhamdulillah.MashaAllah dalam sedar tak sedar, blog ini nak berumur 5 tahun dah kalau masuk bulan september tahun ini.

Sekejap sangat masa. Sekejappp! Tak percaya *Gosok mata*. Banyak rahsia rahsia, not rahsia but what I have gone through, masa KMB sampailah sekarang alhamdulillah dah bergelar 4th year medical student.

Lepas itu, bila dah sedar banyak dah conteng blog ini, fikir fikir balik sayanglah kalau mengabaikan blog ini. Tahun ini macam kurang menulis. So, terus menulis ini. I have many things to look forward for. Many things. insyaAllah sekiranya diberikan umur yang panjang. Jadi, saya kena bersemangat bertungkus lumus belajar sekarang supaya insyaAllah dapat bergembiraa dengan things that I am so looking forward to.Antaranyaa:

1. 29th May

Minggu depan insyaAllah, my little brother all the way from Jordan is coming over. Little brotherlah sangat, he is going to be 22 nanti. Dia cuti so dia saja nak melepak. I am soo happy about this, even insyaAllah I am a bit cuak, having my exam very soon, exam module on the 28th June, and my final exam for 4th year on the 15th July sampai 24th July but having him next to me will make me work harder biidznillah. I will cook for him and insyaAllah do my best to take a great care of him takpun dia yang jaga orang lagi lagi orang nak exam ini. So mama and babah takpayah risau. hehe

2. Summer Holiday

My cousin is getting married and many of my friends are getting married too. Alhamdulillah and barakallahufiikum to them. I am sooo happy for them :). And cuti kali ini lama sikit sebab insyaAllah nak buat hospital rotation dekat Darul Ehsan Medical Centre. I ll make sure my parents will spoil me much. I have been away from home for so long. So nak sangat rasa pergi sekolah, sarapan and bekal makanan disediakan and beramik and berhantar. :p 

Things are making me happy alhamdulillah. Whatever is good. Its all from Allah. Alhamdulillah.

1.SSC

My 6000-8000 words of essay for 4th year student selected component. Alhamdulillah, I have just submitted my final draft yesterday to my tutor. I have to say one of the thing make me worried at times ialah kewujudan essay ini sebab selalu fikir mampu ke tak buat. Like seriously. Cuak gelly! And now sekarang rasa macam alhamdulillah relieved sangat and speechless and rasa nak jerit unbelievable melampauu!

لا حَوْلَ وَلا قُوَّةَ إلاّ بِاللهِ الْعَليِّ الْعَظيمِ

Tiada daya melakukan ketaatan dan tiada daya menjauhi maksiat selain daripada pertolongan Allah!

2. I lost 4 kg

Alhamdulillah, I have always wanted to lose weight. So I did it. Turun senang tapi nak maintain? Opsie. Have to work harder. I want to lose more. hehe. Bukan untuk kecantikan tapi kurus untuk kesihatan yang baik insyaAllah.

3. Ramadhan

Its 50 days left! I am going back insyaAllah on the 20th of Ramadhan. So insyaAllah, I really hope to do proper tarawikh for my last ten nights back in Malaysiaaa.

Okay, anyway, I really need to go now. Aku lapar sangat. haha. I am gonna go to the tube station to top up my oyster card(macam touch n go card) since esok nak naik bus pergi psychiatry placement. Okay, to people who are having exam like me insyaAllah very soon, tak kisah lah exam ke apa apa ke. Lets hold on to the idea below. It always seems impossible until it is done. Lets put our trust in Allah, do our best and let Allah do the rest. Biidznillah. Allah will definitely make it easy for us, insyaAllah ameen ya rabbal alameen.

Wassalam. :)

I am 24-year-old.

Bismillah. Alhamdulillah. I finally have the courage to sit down and talk about things here.

Berapa lama tak borak dekat sini? It's almost 2 months. Dalam 2 months, I have gone through sooo many things. To be honest, more or less, it's a life changing experience. I have never imagined I will go through this but it happened, with Allah's decree. I thought I was quite matured on certain things but I guess I am not at all. I have still soo many to learn.

I read some of my previous posts. All my principles, my hopes and my fears in my life. So much easier said than done ha? Yes indeed. Sangat. Sangat senang nak cakap tapi bila melalui baru kau tahu rasa dia bila apa yang kau pegang kukuh selama ini mula terusik disebabkan sesuatu. Baru kau tahu tinggi langit bumi, asam garam kehidupan, baru kau sedar kau baru setahun jagung dalam kehidupan ini.

Sorry dear, I am being so vague about things kan?  Tapikan apa aku nak cakap, whatever circumstances yang kita lalui, please percaya and yakin dengan diri sendiri, those are the processes of purification of our heart. Do not ask from Allah for an easy life, but ask from Him a stronger heart.Even sometimes, I do listen to lectures, I know some advices about life, how to handle them but it will never be the same until u experience them yourself. That s why orang cakap experience is always the best teacher.

For those who knew me, I am not really the one who share everything in my life easily. Sebenarnya, I am quite expressive and talkative person, but when I am facing some challenging moments, I would rather keep  them to myself until I solve them and in fact kalau nak bagi tahu biasanya when I am done solving them, itu pun just to my parents and some of closest friends. Oh my goodness! Why I sound soooo serious right now. Haha!Nothingg serious sebenarnyaaa.

Dengar macam kritikal sangat apa yang aku lalui itu. Tak adalah serious sebenarnya. Aku macam baru melalui phases yang mematangkan diri aku, which is benda itu normal lah kan and semua orang lalui tapi this time around aku reflect terlebih sikit. Maybe sebab dah 24? :p Itu yang macam terfeeling extra sikit. Aku still sengal saja macam dulu cuma nak cakap aku most probably matang lebih sikit boleh compared dengan keadaan yang aku bajet aku dah matang itu. :P

Anywayyy! Enough about feeling feeling ini. Enough! :p.

Happy belated birthday to me ;)

I did not write any post on my birthday because I was so terlalu penat on that day. A quick list on them. InsyaAllah, for this year and the future, I want to:

1. To please Allah and the Prophet PBUH in whatever I do.
2. Get my medical degree.
3. Be a great daughter to my parents.
4. Appreciate Ramadhan as if it's my last one.
5. Keep on learning about Islam and never get tired of it
6. Have a good character.
7. Learning qualities to be good wife and mother. Amboi! :p

I need to study. Wan Najah, please.

Okay, Semua orang selamat studyyy! Fighting! and selamat bulan Rejab. Stay pretty always! ;)

Wassalam.

A note to myself.

Bismillah, Alhamdulillah.:)

MashaAllah, I know! It has beeeen ages kan. Lama sangat tak update blog ini. Tahu tahu dah 17 March 2013. I am already half way through of my 4th year. Ke mana perginya masa? I do not even know.

How are you? Alhamdulillah, I am all good! Macam biasa, ada hari bersemangat, ada hari yang macam tak nak buat apa apa. Hari tak nak buat apa apa itu no good! no good at all. Sebab itu sama ada my nafsu or syaitan menghasut. Ustaz Amin pesan bila rasa macam helpless sangat, recite this as much as we could.

So, where are we just now? Oh tengah cakap pasal kehidupan lately. There is one thing that has been always bothering me since I do not know when. 

What if one day I change? 

Change to someone better is brilliant but what if the other way round? Not saying I am good now but worrying about becoming someone bad.

Kalau cakap soal what if memang takkan habis.Takkan.

Then, what's my answer to myself?

The answer is I do not know. But Allah knows.insyaAllah,with His help, I am just going to try my best.And also, I was asking Him to provide me with good companies who always remind me of good things and also a husband who is willing to try his best embarking a journey with me to Allah. That's all I can say to myself. That's all. 

Then, are you sure? Life is going to be long, are you sure you can do that every single day?

Wallahualam. I honestly do not know. But I was thinking, keep on learning, seeking knowledge; Makrifatullah. The more we learn about Him, the more we fall in love with Him, the more we want to please Him and our prophet, Muhammad.

And also I learned, remembrance of death is the destroyer of desires and pleasures in this world. Life is not long, its too short, sayang. Even you are tired doing good things and avoiding bad things, say to urself what if you die tomorrow? What will happen?

The answer that Allah just give me yesterday; Husnul Khatimah.

Istiqamah is not only about steadfast in  doing our ibadah. Not only that. It means how we constantly doing our ibadah by giving the best that we could  wholeheartedly until we die with husnul khatimah. That is the real istiqamah.

Finally, 

Never ever comfort urself by saying. "Oh I think I am good enough already."

There is always room for improvement.Always as life is a constant struggle.

P/S: This note is actually a reminder for us especially to the person who is writing this out. Yes, for me.

Oh Allah,the Most Gracious and Most Merciful, make it easy for us, let us die in husnul khatimah. Ameen ya rabbalameen.

Wallahualam.

Najah

Again.

Assalam and Hi! 

How are you? Alhamdulillah, I am all good! :)

This is a random post really. I was on my way back in the train with my GP-mates, when they started to ask me so many questions regarding Islam out of curiosity.There were two of them. I am the only one moslem who was trying my best with Allah's help to give the best possible answer. I found it quite tricky especially with my lack of knowledge and also, with the language barriers.It was all started when my moslem friend was telling us that she is going to Mecca for umrah next week during the GP placement but she was not there when this whole Q&A took place, since she drove back home from GP. 

I just listed them out so that I could seek someone's help or try to prepare a better answer for next time. insyaAllah. If someone has some opinion on these questions, please help me out, yeah? Please. 

\\

I really want to write more. But seriously, my time. I do not have much time really.Been quite busy lately. Tapi please siapa yang ada opinion, tolong eh. Thanks ! :)

Recap 2012

Bismillah.Alhamdulillahirabbilalameen.

Assalam and hi semua. Yeah, I know, it has been a long timekan. How are you? Alhamdulillah, I am doing great. Tak sangka dah 2013. Time flies really fast.

So, many things happened in 2012. Lets have a look.

1. Umrah.

Alhamdulillah, umrah is one of things that I wanted to do sooo badly. Umrah ini kira the MAIN highlight for 2012. I am so glad that Allah actually gave me the opportunity to go there. insyaAllah nak sangat buat lagi,if possible with my beloved family and more importantly nak pergi Hajj juga!

Oh watch this video. It's recap of my umrah. Credit to Farah Asyikin.
*Oh please scroll to the right and just click the video. I really have no idea on how to make it smaller version.*

Hehe Time Saei Dok Gatal Tangkap Gambar.

2. New sister.

Oh yes. Alhamdulillah. I got a new sister in law last 22nd December. Tak sangka abang sendiri dah kahwin and insyaAllah I am next in line. Haha. Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan dalam mempertemukan saya dengan jodoh yang Dia pilih. Ameen. :)

So, actually I went back to Malaysia during my winter break.

3. Pass Exam.

Alhamdulillah, I have to say my third year was quite hectic. I actually do not know how I cope with it. Allah tolong. Had two hospital rotations outside London back to back for 6 months, in between pergi Umrah. Towards my final exam, moved out from my hall since some refurbishment took place for Olympic 2012.

Meet my most favourite flatmates for 2 years. A day before my exam.

4.New people.

Alhamdulillah, I am so glad that I met two nice people who actually adore me like their own daughter especially when my parents are far away back in Malaysia. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for letting me to meet them. Semoga Allah memelihara dan meredhai hubungan terbina ini. Ameen.

   One of them bought me food :)

                                      Here's the other one. :)

5. Projek Kalsom

Alhamdulillah, basically, Projek Kalsom is a motivational programme for students who have excelled in their studies but come form less fortunate backgrounds. So, alhamdulillah, did my best to help them out, met so many nice people and had a very wonderful holiday with my very bestfriend, Feefa Malek. :)

                                                   Our last day in Miri, Sarawak :)

I seriously thought I have a lot to talk about tapi for this particular post, I managed to recall only 5 of them. Tapi tak apa. Its okay. Yang ini yang stand out dalam banyak banyak perkara. 

Hidup ini tak selalunya indah. Saya pun ada hari yang saya menangis, saya marah, saya benci. saya sedih. Tapi kalau tulis posts or statuses, tak cerita sangat bab bab itu. Sebab kalau boleh bab yang macam itu biarlah rahsia antara saya dengan Allah saja. :P Eceh.

Tapikan, sebenarnya, dalam hidup ini, tak kisahlah apa berlakukan. Yang kita kena kisah sebenar benarnya adalah apa yang kita ambil hikmah daripada setiap kejadian yang berlaku. How we actually respond and deal with situation yang Allah dah takdirkan untuk kita. Kita nak jadi marah or tenang, redha and bersyukur.

Kadang kadang bila rasa marah mengenai sesuatu, try tanya balik diri kita. Sebenarnya kita nak marah siapa? Kita nak blame siapa? Nak blame orang A or orang B or orang C? or sebenarnya kita nak marah and blame Allah? Sebab at the end of the day, Allah yang takdirkan kejadian itu berlaku kan. 

Inilah monolog dalaman yang selalu sangat berlaku untuk menasihatkan diri apabile things do not go as what I have planned. In short, as a reminder to myself, we can plan but remember Allah is the best planner. So, do not get upset when things do not go on our way but make lots dua may Allah make us strong and make us much closer to Him. Ameen.

Ops, what is my new year resolution? I actually havent thought about it properly but I really hope I could make new resolutions not only every new year but every new day too! insyaAllah. What's urs? :D

Take care!

Wassalam.

Gulp

  الحمد لله  بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

 * Referring to the slide above.

"So, I would say an Asian Muslim woman with this kind of situation* will not be accepted by the mosque, where else a converted White British woman in the same situation will be accepted by the mosque. I just wonder why, maybe because it has to do with race or something?"

Sebaik sahaja lecturer habis keluarkan kata-kata macam itu. Hati aku memberontak. Rasa tak puas hati. Sudahnya, aku kurang memberikan tumpuan the rest of her words sebab terasa aku bertanggungjawab untuk mengatakan sesuatu. Aku faham point dia. Point dia adalah kenapa masjid nak pula terima orang mat saleh. Asian woman tak nak terima pula. Seolah olah dia memberikan gambaran nak cakap agama Islam ini bias. 

Beberapa minit selepas aku bermonolog dalaman,lecturer buat eye contact dengan aku.

"Maybe, you want to comment on that?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh, great. Of all the days. Of all the days. Of all the days. This is the day yang aku nak duduk depan sekali. Menghadap lecturer. And persoalan ini ditimbulkan.Kun Fayakun.

And being the only Muslim girl who is wearing a hijab there. The spotlight was obviously on me.

Gulp.

"Oh well. I think this particular situation is totally acceptable in Islam.This problem has to do with the culture I would say. Sometimes, a mosque can be dominated by a certain culture of people which gossiping and talking about someone behind her back is common. A woman in this situation can be easily stigmatised by the certain group of people. But the main thing, the situation mentioned in the slide is acceptable in Islam."

Haha. Aku cakap tak adalah smooth macam aku type. Tapi lebih kuranglah bunyi and maksud dia macam itu. Tapi terasa penerangan aku tak cukup mantap and tak concise. Aku rasa antara sebab sebab dia yang menyumbang:

1. Language barrier

2. Kena put on the spotlight abruptly.

3. Kejahilan aku.

4. Emosi bercampur baur. Rasa marah and emo kot.

5. And the list can go on and on....

Right after aku habis cakap,  for 5 minutes after that aku tak dapat focus on lecture. Aku terfikir-fikir jawapan yang aku bagi. Did I say the right thing? Allah okay tak dengan jawapan aku? Orang lain faham ke? Cara aku cakap hanya berdasarkan emosi ke?  Did I offend anyone? Tapi aku dah sehabis baik untuk berkata-kata tidak berdasarkan rasa marah. What was the best answer that I should give?

Siap conteng ini lagi dalam nota sebab serius tak boleh fokus.

Then lepas itu, aku fikir fikir balik. Teringat dalam segmen Mukmin Professional, Ustaz Pahrol selalu cakap. Kadang-kadang bila dia dengar siaran ulangan segmennya di radio, mesti dia rasa he could have given a much better answer and advices to the callers. But dia kata semua benda berlaku atas izin Allah kan. Oleh itu, Ustaz Pahrol pesan kalau berbuat apa-apa, janganlah kita bergantung sepenuhnya ke atas keupayaan dan kemampuan diri kita sendiri tapi sandarkan lah pergantungan kepada Allah. Sebab kalau bergantung pada diri kita, kita akan jadi tertekan, stress and mula menyalahkan diri sendiri if things went wrong.

Lepas teringat pesanan Ustaz Pahrol, aku macam mula melepaskan rasa "I could have given a better answer." Kawan muslim aku yang ada dalam lecture cakap, dia faham aku cakap apa and dia kata if she was the one yang kena jawap, dia rasa dia tak sure if dia dapat control perasaan emo dia and she might end up offending other people feelings. That comment actually put me at ease a bit.

Alhamdulillah, tak apalah ya Allah. No matter what happened as long as I am trying my best, insyaAllah everything will be fine. Pengajarannya adalah.

1. Dont stop learning. Belajar lebih banyak lagi pasal Islam kerana Allah. Especially in English.

2. Rasulullah SAW lagilah.Agama Islam and as pesuruh Allah, baginda lagi kena kritik macam macam, Tapi baginda tenang dalam menghadapinya. So, kita kene belajar untuk tenang, and bijak keluarkan hujah dengan melengkapkan diri dengan ilmu pengetahuan.insyaAllah.

3. Jangan sandar pada diri sendiri or even jangan sandarkan pada kenangan. :p Okay kelakar sikit. Tapi sandarkan everything kepada Allah. Yakin.

Okay, dah. Itu saja nak conteng. Take care semua and may Allah protect us with His blessings. Wassalam.

The reason behind my caption

Bismillah and alhamdulillahirabbilalameen.

Assalamualaikum!

I hope who is reading this is in the best of iman and health.  Alhamdulillah, I am done with exam. It was on Rheumatology, Orthopaedics, HIV, Sexual Health, Health Care of Elderly and also Dermatology. This time around, turning up to hospital macam lepak-lepak but not with the content. Banyak nak kena study before exam.

Now I am gonna tell you a story. Story ini macam kentang sikitlah. But bear with me, okay? 

I was so happy when my cousins were coming to London. So, I went to the airport untuk sambut diaorang since they are going to Kent straight away after arriving at Heathrow. So, being an excited and kecoh girl, saja konon nak pergi airport nak say hi and nak excited-excited bagai because we're breathing and standing at the same land gituu.They arrived at 0720.

So, I went out at 0645 and bajet sampai around 0800. But unexpected thing happened. I was supposed to change tube at Acton Town, pergi towards Heathrow but instead I stayed in the tube sampailah terlajak two stations away which is at North Ealing. Then, catch a tube back to Acton Town, and naik tube balik tergesa gesa. Know what? I just realised I actually got into the same tube again going towards the tube station I went before, North Ealing. Time itu rasa macam ya Allah. What is happening to me?

        Patut naik tube pergi Heathrow tapi terlajak pergi North Ealing dua kali. Tak faham sikit.

Then I got a text from my cousin, saying that she was already waiting for their bus going to Kent. I was still the train and the time was at 0805. Still need half an hour before I reached Heathrow. Then I said to her, lets pray, lets make dua that I could make it. Then again, she texted, saying driver bus dah sampai. Then, I was like? Seriously? Lepas itu, my phone tak ada line sebab underground, so I could not reply her text.

So, then dalam tube, I was reflecting myself, okay, ini takdir Allah. Whether I get to see her or not, itu takdir.  Takdir ketentuan Allah. I tried my best woke up early, went out early and I could have make it in time if I tak terlanjur ke North Ealing. Yang kelakar a bit tuh cause I actually a bit more conscious when I am travelling alone, so macam pelik macam mana boleh terlajak at the same station for twice? Memang kentang habis.

Tahu tak perasaan dia yang macam kita tak nak sangat benda itu berlaku tapi berlaku? Memang tak nak sangat, tapi kena. Ha time inilah Allah nak menjadikan kita orang yang lebih baik. Memang susah nak terima. Even nampak macam remeh saja, bukan berkaitan hidup dan mati, pasal nak dapat kerja ke apa, tapi dengan benda remeh macam inilah menguji kesabaran, keredhaan dan keyakinan kepada Allah.

So,back in the tube, now I have two options. To get mad to myself because of my clumsiness or to just stay calm, make lots of doa, selawat banyak banyak. The results are either  my cousins are still there or they are gone to Kent already. Kalau they are still there, alhamdulillah I am very happy, if not I ll just take a picture of myself dekat Heathrow and make a caption, I was here but tak ada rezeki untuk jumpa Kak Ina.

As soon as I stepped out from the tube, I ran like no one else's business, like awak jangan kisah airport ini ayah saya yang punya.:P And know what? My cousins are still there though I arrived 15 minutes after I got her last text. Rupanya, pakcik driver nak rest for 40 minutes. Yeay. Alhamdulillah, I was soooo happy.  Rasa nak sujud syukur terus sebab terlalu happy. 

So inilah cerita dia behind the caption of my picture. 

Lesson learned untuk mengingatkan diri yang lalai ini:

a) Bersangka baik kepada Allah, urusan yang baik PASTI dipermudahkan.

b) Redha selalu berkaitan benda benda besar like exam tapi let us practice with small small little things first.Macam contoh salah naik tube ini. 

c) Doa dalam apa apa keadaan pun boleh, bukan lepas solat saja because Allah is always with us.

d) Also, reflect on what I have done, maybe this is one of my kafarah dosa.

Okaylah, esok I got class. Kena tidur awal. Selamat malm semua. Take care. Wassalam :)