Peri arrest

Assalam semua.

Apa khabar?

Alhamdulillah saya sihat. Kembali buat nights. Sobs. Yes first night out of four.

So started my shift 8pm- with many jobs. Banyak banyak jobs dalam transplant ni pun tak sebanyak oncall covering Acute Medicine / Care for Elderly Wards- 10 wards x 30 patients. Currently I am covering 30 patients on my own at transplant ward. 300 vs 30. So sis wont complain.

Anyhow.

Sis start my shift as usual.

Nurse datang cakap, "Doctor, boleh tak prescribe ubat tahan muntah yang lain,  patient ini muntah. Muntah dia macam coffee ground vomiting campur darah."

To those who wonder how it looks like; cenggini

Me monolog. (Argh sudah). "Muntah darah ni new issue ke lama, blood pressure semua okay tak?"

Nurse; "Baru..blood pressure semua okay..Hb(darah merah) x drop pun."

Me:"Okay, jap lagi aku pi tengok, amik lubricant sekali; aku nak buat examination dekat back passage."

So I went to see his muntah; nampaklah satu mangkuk separuh penuh dark blood. Then I went to see this patient. This patient baru je had 3 hari lepas;  transplant untuk buah pinggang, pancreas, usus kecil and usus besar ( Banyak organ kan so we called it as multivisceral transplant)

Patient ni masih OK- blood pressure still normal (127/74)but patient a bit sweaty and clammy. Examination semua OK. Nampak cam penat lepas muntah and sis nampak tissue kesan darah dia lap mulut. Tak buat back passage exam sebab dia ade stoma bag. Apparently, stoma output akan jadi malaena post op and that is normal. Patient cakap surgeon ada cakap kat dia yang dia ni ade risk of bleeding.

Anyway, bab bab bleeding- sis jadi over the top sikit nak pula patient just had his surgery- walaupun blood pressure semua masih OK, sis order 4 units blood (special blood sebab patient transplant ni tak boleh receive sebarangan blood) incase patient keep on losing blood. Bagi some drip fluids- untuk cover darah dia hilang from muntah. Cakap kat Surgical Registrar - alkisahnya sekian sekian so that they are aware kalau kalau patient tiba tiba crash. So we are waiting bloods from lab nak check darah merah punya count lepas muntah darah.

Sekali tengah deal dengan one new patient due for renal transplant tonight; tiba tiba cardiac arrest call bunyi.

Berlari sis pecut- sekali rupanya call itu from  si pakcik muntah darah tadi.

Die dah hampir arrested dah, kira hampir nazak. Mata dah naik atas. Bed pulak tak boleh nak diflatkan(geram aku), patient tengah position duduk covered with blood. Hampir hampir nak buat CPR-but I could feel the pulse and pt started coughing. So I did not start. We called cardiac arrest team.

Luckily another doctor was around, registar in renal who happened to be at the ward, I heard he said Igel. Aku cam sedar diri; eh, I am the only airway trained doctor there- kelam kabut start protect his airway dia sebab he is still vomiting blood! So I suctioned his vomit ( he is already on recovery position). Baru nak perform jaw thrust- anaesthetist mai! (yeay)

Surgical registar aku suruh aku undurkan diri and pergi deal dengan renal transplant patient yang due for theatre, kena request urgent blood products prior operation.

By that time, cardiac arrest team sampai and they took over the patient.

Drama drama.

My surgical registrar made me ended up talking to Endoscopy Consultant (specific for transplant patients) on the phone for an urgent endoscopy for this actively bleeding patient.

Patient itu ended up pergi theatre terus for exploratory laparotomy (cari source bleeding) lepas endoscopy was clear. Rupa rupanyanya sambungan blood vessels untuk organ usus kecil dia actively bleeding.

Sekarang patient di ICU. Alhamdulillah. Ribut ribut sis malam tadi, patient still OK. Lepas dok lari lari sini sana; still dapat rasa kaki still bergetar getar kesan terkezut patient hampir arrested tadi.

Itulah al kisah penuh drama di malam pertama kita buat nights. Biasanya it will take only one super sick patient can delay semua benda. But somehow, bila dah pukul 2am, things mula calm down.

Renal transplant patient lagi satu tu tak jadi sebab quality kidney yang didonate tu tak bagus. So sis mula siapkan kerja kerja yang di handover awal shift tadi.

Sembahyang maghrib dekat medical student seminar room, sebab nak jalan pergi Chapel jauh sikit. Nasib baik sempat solat- coz I went straight to solat after assessed patient masa mula mula dia muntah darah. Ada Qiblat Google- so korang boleh pakai ni je nak tahu qiblat mana, takpayah download mana mana app.

Sampai di sini sahaja coretan kali ini. Nanti insyaAllah ketemu lagi.


Najah Daud 
0730 24/8/19

Transplant Job

Salam semua.

Harini kita borak borak sket pasal transplant.

So transplant ni super specialised. Addenbrooke's Hospital ni tertiary centre and one of the leading transplant centre kat UK.

So dia buat transplant
- Liver
- Kidney
- Multivisceral (including pancreas)

So boleh jadi penderma organ itu
1) masih hidup (living donor) or
2) from orang yang sudah mati -DCD (Donation after Circulatory Death) or DBD ( Donation after Brain Death)

Ada doktor kat sini datang from India cam internlah sebab katanya dekat India, semua transplant memang from living donor. Takde yang from orang yang sudah mati.

Dulu masa kerja Neuro ICU, ada few times aku yang kena withdraw care from patient sebab patient macam dah takde harapan. Like patient tu bergantung sepenuhnya dekat mesin. All this withdrawal care and agreement for organ donation tu memang dah ada thorough discussion dengan family semua. 

Macam contoh ada satu patient tu, perempuan umur muda, 27 tahun. Tengah susukan anak 3 bulan, tiba tiba rebah and tak sedar diri. Suami dia buat CPR. Tahu tahu rupanya ada bleeding dalam otak and sebab teruk sangat, she was certified as brainstem death. Kira dah meninggal, tapi jantung, paru paru semua still working sebab machine tolong. Kalau remove machine, jantung berhenti. Sedih weh hari yang die kena withdrawal of care and organ donation, family amik rambut and cam replika bentuk tapak tangan dia sebagai kenangan untuk anak lelaki dia yang 3 bulan. Dia kan breastfeed so susu masih banyak time tu. Sobs.

Sambung balik cerita pasal withdraw care. So masa withdraw, apa aku buat aku matikan ubat yang support blood pressure dia, tarik tube pernafasan keluar dan tunggu blood pressure and nadi turun..sampaila line straight (macam kat drama drama tv) -this can take few mins, few hours..so far time aku memang 20 mins gitu- then certify patient's death dalam masa 5 min. Lepas aku certify, aku and nurse terus tolak jenazah tu ke dewan bedah.

Dalam dewan bedah, surgeon surgeon dah prepare dah nak operate straight way to ambik organ organ for donation. So aku kene announce kuat kuat "Ye saya dah sahkan kematian si polan ni". Terus diaorang potong. So kira time NCCU dulu aku side tolong mendermakan orang punya organ. Ada orang kata kalau tengok diorang amik organ2 tu cam rakuslah gak. Aku tak pernah tengok lagi.

So fast forward, sekarang aku side yang nakkan organ tu. 

How it works here, bila ada kematian yang di plan cam aku cerita atas tu and patient is for organ donation, transplant surgical team akan pergi ke hospital tu untuk retrieve organ. Tup tup after few hours, transplant coordinator akan alertkan patient dalam waiting list for organ tu untuk datang hospital untuk organ tu. So kerja aku adalah bila pesakit sampai aku akan ambil darah mereka untuk pelbagai test and jalan ke 4 labs untuk personally hand delivered darah darah tu. Lepas buat ambil history, examine macam biasa.

    Ini blood blood dia. 

Ini handbook for us to refer kalau lost

Bila organ dah sampai hospital ni, macam macam testing diaorang buat dekat organ tu untuk make sure organ still okay. Bile semua okay- terus masuk theatre. Aku takdelah join theatre sebab sis bukan surgeon. hehe. Tapi boleh je kalau nak tengok. Macam night shift semalam, tak sempat nak blogging ke apa, tiba tiba 2 new patients admission pukul 4 pagi sebab ada 2 buah pinggang (from satu jenazah) dapat pukul 1pagi semalam. Kira satu patient dapat satu. Memang al kelam kabut la sis.

Aku teringin nak tengok organ retrieval punya proses just untuk experience, maybe one day before aku habis rotation ni. Macam menarik je nak tengok.

Baru dapat call from transplant coordinator cakap, ada satu new patient admission untuk liver transplant hari ini tapi bukan sekarang, patient tu datang pukul 8.30pagi. (yeay aku habis pukul 8pagi) Haha. Ada one day tu, ade liver tu pernah datang from Manchester, melampaukan? Manchester ke Cambridge 3 jam kot.

So anyhow tu jelah karangan kita pada hari ini. Bahasa dia and ejaan dia macam sis type text. Maybe boleh next time sis boleh skemakan sket.

Okay, 4th night oncall habis dalam 2 jam lagi insyaAllah. Weekend cuti, Isnin kerja day shift insyaAllah.

Sampai ketemu lagi kawan kawan. Have a good day. May Allah ease everything for you guys, ameen ya Rabb.

Najah Daud
0545Hr 16/08/2019









.

MashaAllah! 4 years last update.

Assalamualaikum WBT.

Ape khabar semua?

Ya Allah, lama sangat tak update blog ni. Last update Oct 2015. Lepas tu, I dont know what happened.

Alhamdulillah, still dapat access account ni.

So, lets flashback what has happened in the last 4 years ( Really ?!?)

Nov 2015

Sis bertunang hahaha. Probably sebab tu blog jadi senyap. From tulis blog jadi tulis asyik karang message dekat tunang (gitu).

Sebenarnya dalam pada bertunang, I was busy applying for jobs(training post). Sebab Aug 2016 nak kena masuk dalam training. So apply job, busy with portfolios, interviews.

Time ni tak sure nak stay UK or not.

January 2016
Sat for my MRCP part 1 - alhamdulillah passed

May 2016 
Sat for my MRCP part 2 (written)- alhamdulillah passed

Aug 2016
Alhamdulillah dapat kerja dekat Cambridge University Hospital. Therefore hasrat nak balik ke Malaysia setelah habis  HO tapi hasrat ditangguhkan dulu since dapat offer training post dekat hospital sini. I thought that it would be good for it to be in my CV.

Sept 2016
Wedding day! MashaAllah sistur bernikah dengan pujaan hati kanda.  It went so fast tup tup kawen. Nnt kita story bab kita berkenalan dengan hubby tercinta okay?

Nov 2016

Alhamdulillah dapat tahu pregnant. Masa tu macam tak percayaaaa. Syukur sangat. I had a very bad morning sickness. 4 bulan sistur pegang gayung dalam rumah. Rasa xnak kerja doctor dah.

Dec 2016
My bestfriend; Nik Idzni Dalila passed away due to renal cancer. (Al fatihah)

May 2017

Went home for maternity leave, balik awal sebab takut tak boleh travel naik flight bile da sarat sangat.
Najib & Farah wedding reception

Aug 2017
Sis nak tambah berat 30kg. Happy sangat makan Malaysian food (adoi)
My lil princess Fatema was born on 28/8/2017. MashaAllah, nak branak sakit sisturrr.

Feb 2018
Maternity leave came to an end. Back to UK- sambung balik training.
Naqib is already here sambung degree in Accounting at City Uni London

June 2018
Sat for MRCP Part 2 (PACES) failed. Nangis nangis sis. Jangan buat main.

Nov 2018
Took a break from study. Then start study and stay late at hospital for practise once dah tahu bile exam date. Sat again for MRCP Part 2 (PACES) - alhamdulillah passed

Dec 2018
Went for Umrah with hubby Fatema babah mama abang naqib nawfal , alhamdulillah teramat.

June 2019
Mak abah datang UK

July 2019
Naqib graduated
Mama babah semua datang for naqib's graduation and my RCP membership ceremony

Aug 2019
Me writing these updates during my night shift as senior house officer (SHO) in transplant.

Nnt sistur nak cerita camana sis kenal ngan husband sis. Sebab kalau boleh, nak anak cucu boleh baca (gitu).

This is my 4th day kerja dekat transplant - my second night oncall out of 4. Everything is just so new because transplant ni super specialised- ade multivisceral, liver, kidney, pancreas transplant.

Kalau sistur cover acute medical wards and care of elderly wards- semuanya dalam 10 wards- satu ward 30 patients. Tak sempatlah jari jari sis nak menari atas keyboard ni. Setiap 5 mins mesti kene bleep.

Doakan oncall sis berjalan lancar. Sampai ketemu lagi ye insyaAllah.

Husband sistur pesan kalau baca ni 4444kali in one go, hasrat kita akan dimakbulkan. Kalau tak dapat 4444 kali, kita buat sikit sikit. Orang kalau biar sikit lama lama jadi bukit. Gituu. Jom hafal.

Okay guys, I need to eat something. Doakan sis tengah apply job lagi.

Wassalam

Najah Daud
0438 14/8/19
Ward G5 (Transplant)

My very first outing dengan mat saleh!

Duduk sini berapa tahun?hurmm nak masuk 6? Haha! Adalah kawan mat saleh tapi cam takat berlatih OSCE, hi bye lepas tuh dah. Yang kali ini, macam proper outing. Like spend masa dari tengah hari sampai malam.

Sebab-sebab aku jarang lepak dengan mat saleh ke orang bukan Islam.

1. Cara lepak lain. Diaorang enjoy arak and berpesta sampai pagi. 

Satu situasi lepas kerja.

A; Jom lepak pergi dinner.

Aku: ....Erm tak surelah. Tengoklah camne.

A: Jomlaahhh dinner je.

Aku: Maybe not....(Yelah tu. dinner je. Tapi lepas itu borak sampai pukul 10/11pm. Lepas tu pergi shisha lepas tuh pergi bar, lepak sampai pagi, aku dahlah tak drive. Nanti kena tunggu tak pun kena amik taxi memalam sesorang. Taknak aku. )

2. Aku rasa leceh nak terangkan aku kene chow jap untuk solat, tak makan itu ini. Kadang macam malas nak panjangkan cerita so aku just bagi alasan. Contoh, 

Situasi bila lepak reramai sekali.

Aku: Eh nak gi somewhere jap.

A: Buat apa?

Aku: Adelahh. Jap je. (Aku nak gie solat jap ni)

A: Alaaa buat apa?

Aku: (Tak boleh nak tipu ini)...Sebenarnya nak pergi solat.

A: La tak boleh solat nanti ke?

Aku: Tak boleh. Ni ada masa dia. Nanti masuk waktu ketiga. Yang kedua nanti tertinggal.

A: Banyaknya solat.

Aku: 5 kali solat.

A: B, kau solat 5x ?

B: Oh aku syiah. Najah sunni. Syiah boleh combine. Zohor and Asr. Magrib and isyak. So 3x sehari je. Takpun aku balik kerja, aku solat semua sekali harung.

A: Oh itu lagi efficient. Aku rasa kalau aku kene solat, aku wat cam kau.

Aku : (Pulak dah.....From solat, pasal sunni and syiah. O_O. Lagi susah aku nak terangkan.)

3. Benda yang borak tak sama. 

Kira otak aku jammed. Takat cakap hi bye apa khabar oklah.Gossip dia bukan orang ini bercinta dengan sapa. Gossip diorang dia ini peringkat dia ini tidur dengan sapa terus. Helloo? Takleh brain langsung. Menyesal aku tahu.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Balik kepada cerita outing.

Aku x hesitate sangat nak keluar dengan dia ini. Sebab sama tempat kerja. Aku dah terus terang aku ini camne cara hidup aku. Tak minum arak, tak pergi berpesta, tak pegang lelaki, makan makanan halal, solat. So jadi bile keluar aku rasa senang gila. Sebab aku tak payah nak mencipta seribu alasan untuk tak buat apa yang dia buat.

Dia datang jemput aku dekat rumah dengan kereta dia yang comel.

Bawah ini aktiviti aktiviti yang kitaorang buat sama sama. Aku selitkan juga perbualan yang bagi aku pening jugaklah nak jawap. Hehe.

Kereta Comel!

1. Ice skating.

Kitaorang skate untuk 2 jam! Nak patah gaklah pinggang ni. But dari sini, kitaorang borak perbezaan cara hidup and budaya kitaorang. Kawan aku cerita, sini lain gile from hidup aku. Perempuan boleh tidur dengan sesiapa je. Adalah yang sensible. Kawan dia seorang, mak bapak strict sangat suruh ikut agama Kristian, Kawan dia terus mengandungkan diri sebagai tanda rebel. Haha! Kat sini, lagi mak ayah larang, lagilah diaorang nak buat. Bukan rasa nak je, tapi buat terus. Sini, kalau bercinta terus macam laki bini. Takpayah nikah. Ala macam cerita mat saleh dalam TV. Apa korang nampak, macam itulah.

Duduk berehat in between skating.
A: Kire bila kau dah kawen kau tak payah tutup aurat?

Aku: Kena juga.

A: La kenapa?Kata untuk laki kau ke. Dia dah nampak. So tak payahlah tutup dah bila keluar rumah and kau dah kawen pun. (Bukannya kau boleh kawen laki len)

Aku: Tak boleh. Nanti tu yang timbul affair lepas kawen tuh. Nanti fitnah. Laki lain akan tertarik juga. ( Aku tak tahu apa fitnah dalam english, serabut gakla aku dpk pk nak terangkan). Aku cakapla logically, Islam ini adil. Kita manusia akan suka menunjuk benda yang cantik yang kita ada. So Islam itu adil, masa muda kau cantik lawa, kau tutup. Bila dah tua, penuh uban, kau tutup gak. Bukan time buruk je kau tutup.

A: Ohh okayy. Paham.

Aku: Jom skate balek?

Getting ready!

Meet Emily!

                                             

2. Shopping mall.

Sambil lepak duduk duduk sebelah kedai cukur kening.

A:Najah, cukurlah kening. Nanti lawa.

Aku: Tak nak. Nanti leceh, kena maintain. Nanti kening terabur bila tumbuh. (Refer point 2 (Reason reason malas nak kuar: Penat bagi alasan,))

A: Ala takpelah nanti aku bawak kau untuk maintenance.

Aku: Alaaa taknak. Takpelah.

A: Kenapa?Kenapaaaaa? Murah gile je. Tiga pound je.

Aku: Sebenarnya,,,, Dalam agama aku, tak boleh...... (Dah tak boleh cari alasan lain)

A: Owner kedai cukup kening tuh Islam kot. Kenapa dia boleh.Kenapaaaaaaa kau tak?

Aku: Well, yang tu masing masing. Apa yang aku paham untuk buang bulu yang tumbuh pada tempat yang kurangkan sifat kewanitaan perempuan cam contoh misai boleh. Tapi kening tak boleh. Pape yang Allah jadikan especially kat muka tak leh ubah.

A: Aku tak nampak apa beza buang misai and cukur kening. Kening lagilah jadi kan lebih perempuan.

Aku: Well, itu jelah aku dapat terangkan.

A: Aku dah pening dah. Banyak sangat larangan dalam agama kau especially kat perempuan.

Aku: Hurmmmmm. Aku tak rasa ini issue dia. Aku buat sebab aku nak wat bukan setakat ikutan. Cam kalau kau suka orang, kau ikut je apa die suruh buat sebab kau percaya dekat dia. Camtuhlah dengan agama aku ini.

3. Kedai India.

Sambil menjamu selera.
A: Najah, banyak gila benda english (Culture etc) kau tak tahu. Kau duduk mana selama ni?

Aku: HAHA.Aku dok sini tapi aku kawan dengan orang local yang bukan mat saleh. haha. Majority Asian. Kalau kau datang Whitcchapel baru kau paham. Kawan kawan aku ramai Pakistan, Bangladeshi, Somalian, Cina, India and paling ramai Melayuuuu! haha

A: Takpe nnt aku kenalkan kau ngan budaya aku like makanann ape sumee.

Alhamdulillah so yummy!

4. Baking!

Najah jom buat kek. So, bersama samalah buat kek. Hehe. Sementara nak buat aku perlu Maghrib. Jadi dia tunggu kat katil aku. Aku solat. Dia cakap eh bukan tadi dah solat? Solat lagi? Finally dia dapat tengok camne aku solat. Selama ni dok hairan aku solat camne. Haha

 

Victoria Sandwich

200 g butter+ 200g sugar+ 200g self raising flour+4 eggs

Double Cream

Strawberry

Strawverry jammed

Inconclusion:

Alhamdulillah, it was a very productive day. Aku rasa bestlah lepak ngan dia. Aku happy yang die hormat cara aku and raikan cara aku rather than aku kene ikut cara dia. Aku di sini bukan dalam posisi nak judge cara hidup orang bukan Islam seolah olah aku lagi baik tapi peluang ini dapat bagi aku selami pemikiran and cara hidup diaorang. 

Sendiri menjadi saksi yang haram menjadi sesuatu kebiasaan dan halal menjadi suatu yang sangat janggal. Apa yang Nabi Muhammad SAW cakap akan berlaku, aku jadi saksi. Aku jadi takut. Salah satu tanda kiamat ibu melahirkan tuannya. Kawan mat saleh aku pernah cakap "Mak aku adakah orang gaji aku." Terus aku cam........  

Lagi satu sekarang, if ada nak buat something especially dalam melaksanakan kewajipan sebagai seorang Islam, terus terang je senang. Selagi kita boleh hormat cara hidup diaorang yang x de pegangan agama selagi tu diaorang x ada alasan untuk tak hormat pegangan and agama hidup aku. Respect does not mean kita approve it kan.

Moga moga Allah bagi kekuatan bagi kita lebih kuat iman, istiqamah and berikan hidayah pada kita semua termasuklah kawan mat saleh aku seorang ini, ameen ya rabb!

-------“You have everything about you.”-------

Someone I knew once said this to me.

Aku terdiam. Berfikir panjang.  Everything?. No, I don’t. The grass on the other side is always greener kan. Always. Your friends’ posts on FB/Instagram/Twitter even your own posts. People nampak macam bestnya hidup dia/kita.  Ada dua rasa we can pick; nak rasa emo sebab jeles or nak rasa happy sebab genuinely happy pasal that person is happy. Tapi thats it. 

Social media is really a snapshot about your life. A snapshot about a moment of happiness/sadness/anger/ whatever mood you tried to potray in that particular post. It doesn’t tell you more than that. Unless you actually live/stay/travel with that person for many days. Then only you know the conflicts that she/he has within herself/himself, people around her/him, family issues, financial issues, health issues etc.

But this is not the license for you to feel happier or luckier if you are actually better off than that person bila tahu all the problems she/ he has in life. The idea is to reflect within ourselves, setiap orang ada struggle dia sendiri termasuk kita. Paling penting kita bersyukur bila senang, sabar bila susah. Kalau rasa tak sabar dah, ambil sabar yang baru letak atas kesabaran yang lama supaya kita lebih banyak sabar lagi. 

I still remember one of the scholars said, 

“Kedengkian hanya akan memakan amal kebaikan kita.”

So better not. Kalau ada rasa jealous, lepaskan perasaan itu. Lepaskan, its not good for ourselves. Meh sama sama rasa happy. Kalau kita nak post something dengan niat nak jeleskan orang lain, then dont post it. Niat dah salah awal.Paling penting niat kita.

Moga yang menulis dan yang membaca ini sama-sama amalkan. insyaAllah J

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."

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“

Psychiatry.

Psychiatry.

Alhamdulillah! I am reaching towards the end of my Psychiatry placement. Already? Yes! Already! Alhamdulillah, tak percaya rasanya. There are sooooo many things I have learned from this rotation!

1.      Childhood is the best indicator for adulthood

 Most of my patients yang paling susah nak deal with are personality disorder patients. Bila sentuh pasal zaman kanak-kanak, Sexual/physical/emotional abuse are part of it.Diperkosa (wah my malay is still so good :p) oleh ayah/uncle/abang.

Therefore, I could really appreciate, how important it is institusi kekeluargaan dalam membentuk keperibadian anak anak from kecik. Bak kata pepatah, melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya. Mak ayah perangai elok, insyaAllah anak-anak. I have seen my patients. Wondered how their parents are. Majority, mak ayah pun are going through the same things as them. Very complicated to deal with. Tapi this is not a generalisation. Sometimes, mak ayah perangai elok tapi Allah bagi ujian. :D

So I advise to myself and to u too! Everything(Akhlak, Ilmu ) start from ourselves. From us, turun dekat anak anak turun dekat cucu turun dekat cicit. InsyaAllah. 

2.      Sometimes I just get tired of them.

\\

One time, my patient cut herself dengan serpihan kaca. I went to attend the patient. Examined the laceration. It was realy painful, bleeding. Menggelatar patient tu sebab sakit.. Advised for sterile strip and just glue the wound together. Then, pesanlah jangan buat lagi please.

Guess what ? Dia buat lagi. Even korek dia punya wound using a plastic spoon. I was called again for 2-3 times to see her. Time tu rasa nak cubit and say,

“Hey! Kan harituh sakit, kenapa buat lagi? Kalau buat lagi, xnak tengok dah“

But then, I reflected. Can you imagine? How Forgiving Allah is.  I did something silly. I repented. Buat dosa, I felt so bad, I made my heart sick, then I came back to Him. I was about to do something silly again, know the consequences. Buat lagi. Minta ampun balik kat Allah. Again and again and again. MashaAllah He never get tired of us.

 3.   Treating symptoms only will never help people to cure.

Oh okay. She is depressed. Give antidepressants. Oh she is maniac, stop antidepressants, give mood stabiliser. Oh she is so agitated, give lorazepam/haloperidol. Then we have ward review, we tried to sort everything out from financial (benefits), employment until housing issues. Giving whatever support we could possibly give. We were trying our best to minimise any risks leading relapse upon their discharge.

Then again. Re-admission. Due to overdose. One of my patients cut her tummy with knife. It was really deep and she inserted CD into the wound (What?!?)

Sometimes, we don’t feel right. we feel serabut. We feel so low. We went out to have fun. Came back, feeling more depressed. Listened to music. Watched movies. No, this does not feel right, thinking we had fun but it didnt last long. Ini semua symptomatic relief. Then we know what we need. We need Him. Only Him. We need to speak to Him more. We need to listen to things that will make ourselves closer to Him. Also we need my parents and the right person for advice. List the things that we are worried about, and buat satu satu, seek help from Him, insyaAllah Allah permudahkan. :D

Kawan bukan Islam said that her hati tenang sangat bila kat mosque. MashaAllah its amzaing right? :)

4.       Dealing with people that will challenge your patience.

Nurse: Doctor, patient ini saya rasa ade urinary tract infection. boleh tak awak jumpa dia?

Me : Hurm, kenapa awak cakap macam itu?

Nurse: Saya rasalah. Saya rasa lebih baek awak pergi jumpa.

Me:  Awak dah buat urine dipstick test tak?

Nurse: Belum.

Me: Kalau dah buat baru panggil saya.

Time ini rasa macam. Come on Nurse. Benda ini common sense. Jangan nak pass tanggungjawab je keje. Haha. Rasa nak marah. Then I started to reflect. Being kind to those who are kind to you is ordinary. To be kind towards those who are mean to you is awesome. And our Prophet Muhammad SAW is such a good example kan. So, Najah, please have a good manner and patience please!!!!

5.      The majority thinks that religion is no longer a priority.

One my patient came to me. Really close to me. It was quite intimidating.

Patient: I like your attire. Why are u wearing a headscarf.

Me: Because I am a Muslim.

Patient: Ohhh, you are! I didn’t know this.

One of my nursing staffs said tak ke rasa pakai tudung ini macam rimas. Tak ke leceh nak buat kerja. Then I said no. My friend cakap, cabutlahhhh tudung, saya rasa awak sepatutnya cabut tudung! Awak mesti nampak lagi cantik x pakai tudung. I looked at her and I said, “What do you mean? InsyaAllah, no, never.”

My  friend (lelaki) nak ‘sep’ tangan and I was like. I said this inside my heart. {No. I couldn’t do this. Sebab I know I will feel so bad if I sep his hand.} While laughing I said, “Sorry, I don’t do this.” And guess what? He doesn’t mind at all. One my friend knew about this and he said “Seplah tangan aku Najah, kau duduk kat Negara ni mana boleh tak sep tangan. Beberapa saat je sentuh.” Then I still said no. He took his hand away.

People will challenge you on your faith. Tak kisah lah staff nurse, patients, kengkawan kerja. You just have to protect it for the sake of Allah. Never allow them to ridicule your stance, belief that you have held after these years. 

Please make dua for me, it is still a long way to go.I desperately need your dua to be steadfast in increasing my eeman and taqwa. Sesama doakan tau please amen! :D\

antara ada and tak ada.

Assalam. Well it has been awhile (again selalu type this as intro). Dulu rajin update blog, sekarang I feel like I wanted to write something, then lama-lama lupekan je terus. Anyway, alhamdulillah, I am working young lady now. Gila tak percaya. (Please doakan my visa application goes well. ameen). 5 years ago, started medicine in London. Straight from boarding school, college and uni life. Nak tahu satu benda? Living in boarding school made me a bit skema with some things. Dulu masa uni mula-mula, tak reti nak spend masa tengok movies sangat. I felt guilty whenever I was not studying. Lama-lama kinda cope bit by bit. Ada masa kena lepak, tak boleh study je. Its not realistic at all. Life is not about studying jekan. There is more to it. So, I started travelling, do things that I love, kemas and decorate bilik. Well, I really enjoy decorating my room sebab my room is where I sleep and rest. So kena cantik. Kalau tak cantik nanti x happy duk rumah, nak pulak memang jenis x merayau sangat unless ada tujuan.

 

My colleagues and I. Dinner together.

And sekarang routine slightly the same as before. I mean like duduk seorang, tapi I am working. Pergi kerja, balik kerja. Rumah is like my comfort and safe zone. Life is a bit different kot. Now tempat kerja, jumpa macam macam orang, patients, nursing staffs, doctors. Bila lunch, my colleagues akan ajak lepak sekali, then I ll be like, "yeap , lets go!". But satu I was really concerned about. My break is only half an hour. How could I possibly fit lunch and solat in half an hour? Well, nak juga socializing, tapi sebagai hamba Allah, definitely, we need Him. But you cant always say no to peoplekan. Like no lunch together, coz I need to pray. Islam is about hablu min Allah and hablu minan nas. Jaga hubungan dengan Allah, jaga hubungan dengan manusia. So, its between these two. Kalau tak mingle lagilah, how can I spread the words of Islam through my actions and characterkan. So I said to myself. Go to lunch,but excuse myself quite half thru it sebab nak solat bila masuk waktu. Fair enoughkan? Bila hak Allah ditunaikan, He will make everything easy for me.Najah, ingat nak seribu daya taknak seribu dalih.

My mum said to me. Stay firm with your principles. My principles about life.You are a working adult now. Some people might be thinking, dah kerja boleh buat apa suka.  Well, if I sit down and think, to be honest yes. I can just do whatever. I got my degree. I can have fun with my new friends. Go shopping as much as I want. Wear branded stuffs. Orang ajak lepak dekat bar ke apa. Socializing. Tengok cinema semua. I can do them all. I am a doctor, I work hard so I deserve to have fun. Tak ada siapa tahu and tak ada siapa boleh marah, since its my life, not theirs. I have no commitment. But well, well well. Hold a sec Najah. Then, I asked myself is this what I truly want in my life?Just hearing them pun dah rasa like a fantastic and an amazing life to look forward too. Tapi....at the end of the day, we will feel empty inside. I have no doubt about this Beza dia macam ini tau, dulu masa medic school, its different sebab kita asyik beringat oh kena dapatkan degree, so jangan buat entah apa-apa. Now dah habis degree, boleh buat suka hati apa. 

I think what really defines someone is, how she is when she already has everything. Macam contoh, "Oh I tak suka barang branded, tak suka travelling, tak suka benda mahal-mahal. I orang nya simple je, suka jimat." Yes itu boleh jadi 2 situasi. First, kalau memang dia suka jimat or it can be secondly, keadaan kewangan dia tak mengizinkan dia buat macam itu or in other words, dia tak mampu. So if dia memang banyak duit tapi memang jenis belanja jimat, she is an amazing woman. Tapi kalau dia cakap sebab keadaan kewangan dia x benarkan dia, maybe she needs to think twice sebelum keluarkan statement macam tu. Gitu. Manusia akan diuji dengan kesusahan and kesenangan. Kesusahan dah memang tentu susah, sebab biasanya menarik kita kepada pergantungan kepada Allah. Tapi kesenangan tu yang sebenarnya lagi dua kali susah, sebab orang yang senang itu tak rasa dia susah. Kita ada high tendency nak rasa leka, rasa semua senang. Kesenangan boleh jadi kita nak jadi insan bersyukur, lagi dekat padaNya or sebaliknya (Nauzubillah).

I heard from one Syeikh, do not set your do's and dont's in life based on your principles(I used to think  no matter what people say,  I have a set of life principles). He said that both muslim and non muslim might have a set of principles of life but what really differentiates between a muslim and a non muslim is a muslim do things in life out of love to Allah, not because of her/his principle in life. Every single thing we do as a muslim is actually our declaration of love to Allah. Semua Allah suruh benda baik. Tak ada benda jahat. Do whatever we have to do out of love to Allah, bukan sebab orang suruh atau kita suruh. Buat kerana Allah, then our heart will be at ease sama ada kita ada atau kita tak ada, sama ada kita senang atau susah coz at the end of the day, everything is about between you and Allah. May Allah give strength to myself and all of us to declare our love to Him every single thing we do from the moment of waking up from sleep until we are going to sleep, and even while we are asleep too, so He would not let us go astray from the right path. Ameen.